Tuesday, September 27, 2011
When nothing really is something.
I have spent the last 2 days in bed. Sounds nice yes? Well, yes and no. As per my previous post I have been hit for six by a virus. Not one to do things by halves, I feel like I have been hit by a truck. 2 days of bed rest is just what the Doctor ordered. Or should I say that is just what the Doctor should have ordered, along, with some antibiotics, instead of 2 blood tests, a chest x-ray and an ECG but lets not bring up that old chestnut. So I have spent Monday and today convalescing at home. It is actually harder than you think. Do you know how much I want to get up and clean out the messy top drawer or put all of the DVD's that the kids have left out back into their covers? A lot! Why is it so hard to do nothing? Why is it so hard to lie down without the "I should be doing this" conversation going through my head? Because I can't lie there and do nothing I pondered this thought. It gave me something to do that wasn't nothing. I have come up with this.
Do you remember the feeling you get when you are on holidays? I don't mean the laying by the pool kind of holiday, I mean the "Oh my God, this place is amazing, there is so much to see and do" kind of holiday. I have come to the conclusion that my brain still thinks that I am on that kind of holiday. If I have a spare half an hour between work and picking up the kids I feel compelled to go and explore something. I feel I must go to a market, or visit a new area, or try that new dish I have heard about. What ever happened to the girl who if she had a couple of spare hours in Australia would flick on Oprah, flop on the couch and eat a Magnum? I have realised I can't really remember a time since I have been here that I have done NOTHING! Mind numbingly, boring, coma inducing NOTHING! Sure I have sat in front of the TV with Nick in the evening but even that is not nothing, it is spending time with my husband. When is the last time I had an hour during the day where I put on a movie just for me? Sometimes my somethings are truly wonderful, like having a massage or getting a manicure, but technically it is still doing something. I have to interact, nod, move, pay, arrive, leave. Oh I hear some of you saying, you poor thing. Well, thats fine because I do understand how lucky I am and I do appreciate it. All I am saying, more to myself than anyone else, is that I need to slow it down a little. I need to not feel guilty to finish work, come home and sit on the couch. I need to not say to myself "well, you have an hour, why don't you go for a run?" I fear it will not be easy because I really quite like being busy and exploring and adventuring, however, I think my body has just decided to give me a big wake up call. I need to take a breath and understand that this is life, not a holiday where I have to squeeze the juice out of every waking second. Now if you will excuse me I shall return to my bed to continue my convalescence and leave the top "man drawer" to its own devices. I'm having a nap.