When nothing really is something.

I have spent the last 2 days in bed.  Sounds nice yes?  Well, yes and no.  As per my previous post I have been hit for six by a virus.  Not one to do things by halves, I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  2 days of bed rest is just what the Doctor ordered.  Or should I say that is just what the Doctor should have ordered, along, with some antibiotics, instead of 2 blood tests, a chest x-ray and an ECG but lets not bring up that old chestnut. So I have spent Monday and today convalescing at home.  It is actually harder than you think.  Do you know how much I want to get up and clean out the messy top drawer or put all of the DVD's that the kids have left out back into their covers?  A lot! Why is it so hard to do nothing?  Why is it so hard to lie down without the "I should be doing this" conversation going through my head?  Because  I can't lie there and do nothing I pondered this thought.  It gave me something to do that wasn't nothing.  I have come up with this.

Do you remember the feeling you get when you are on holidays? I don't mean the laying by the pool kind of holiday, I mean the "Oh my God, this place is amazing, there is so much to see and do" kind of holiday.    I have come to the conclusion that my brain still thinks that I am on that kind of holiday.  If I have a spare half an hour between work and picking up the kids I feel compelled to go and explore something.  I feel I must go to a market, or visit a new area, or try that new dish I have heard about.  What ever happened to the girl who if she had a couple of spare hours in Australia would flick on Oprah, flop on the couch and eat a Magnum?  I have realised I can't really remember a time since I have been here that I have done NOTHING!  Mind numbingly, boring, coma inducing NOTHING!  Sure I have sat in front of the TV with Nick in the evening but even that is not nothing, it is spending time with my husband.  When is the last time I had an hour during the day where I put on a movie just for me? Sometimes my somethings are truly wonderful, like having a massage or getting a manicure, but technically it is still doing something.  I have to interact, nod, move, pay, arrive, leave.  Oh I hear some of you saying, you poor thing.  Well, thats fine because I do understand how lucky I am and I do appreciate it.  All I am saying, more to myself than anyone else, is that I need to slow it down a little.  I need to not feel guilty to finish work, come home and sit on the couch.  I need to not say to myself "well, you have an hour, why don't you go for a run?"  I fear it will not be easy because I really quite like being busy and exploring and adventuring, however, I think my body has just decided to give me a big wake up call.  I need to take a breath and understand that this is life, not a holiday where I have to squeeze the juice out of every waking second.  Now if you will excuse me I shall return to my bed to continue my convalescence and leave the top "man drawer" to its own devices.  I'm having a nap.